They really DO say the darndest things.

The other day on my friend Tiffany's blog, she mentioned a witty friend of hers who thought up the idea of a book full of the random phrases that are said in a house full of children on any given day and the more I thought about it, the more I chuckled at the things that get said around here.

I also think a coffee table book like this would go perfectly next to my dream-child-someday- coffee table book full of head shots from random people's Junior High year books. ... I would love that book and even volunteer to be the dust-jacket photo... cause that kind of awkward is all kinds of special....

anyway...

Take for instance last night and my little girl was throwing up in the toilet just before bed and just after eating a very large chocolate cookie.

"OH Man!, I don't think I was ever MADE!!!!!"

I believe this was her version of the Job-like sentiment "I wish I had never been born." and I think we can all relate; hanging over a toilet has a way of making us very existential doesn't it?

a little water play on the kitchen floor

Her little brother also is discovering more about himself and the world by his ability to communicate. Most of his thoughts are still expressed in their simplest form, but I must say his one word sentences often sum up whole ideas much better than mine ever could. All he needs to say is "woo hoo" in his little dead pan voice and it contains so many shades of meaning that it's applicable to almost any situation.... In fact we've started referencing that one little "woo hoo"  ourselves, and we still don't say it with all the nuance that he can.
 (nuance; it's a tricky little thing...but we'll get to that in a minute...)

helping clean the bath toys

Then there's the things I DO find myself  saying:

" That is not a hat... take that off your head"

"Where are your pants?"

"Go eat all that cereal off of the couch"

"Hold still I need to get your booger..." 

"Come down from there"

"The cat is trying to tell you she doesn't like that."

"Don't suck on your fingers and rub them on my computer screen, that's gross."

"Oh yes, I would love to be a rock and roll lady with you, what hat do I need to wear for that?"

and on and on it goes....

Taking a break for a little pedicure

The best worst is when they latch onto a certain something that you've said in the past without even realizing it or the gravity with which it form a large amount of their mental processing.

What I mean is this... I started making certain foods from scratch at our house to cut down on the
1. Packaging.
2. Cost and
3. Preservatives
in a lot of the foods my kids like to munch on for snacks.

Specifically, I made my own dip with homemade yogurt, mayonaise, a little garlic and some seasoning for their cut up veggies. They, however are used to a tall white bottle with a photgraph of some plastic-looking vegetables on the front, emblazoned with a brand name that starts with a "K" and rhymes with "raft"

This just means I need to be a little clever with my reasoning behind why mother's dip is so much better.

"This one isn't full of chemicals", I told her nodding gravely at the culprit bottle on the kitchen counter that was awaiting it's premature trip to the garbage can, so confident I was in my dip making and cajoling skills. 

"What are chemicals?" she asked. ... bless her.

"Uh... chemicals are things that food- makers put in the food to make it last a very long time and change the taste ... but too many of those chemicals can make you sick and we don't need to eat them, so I made you this dip without them!!!!"
{Quick cut to bowl of delicious looking dip with a little halo overtop it like a Philly  Cream Cheese container.}

She quizzically picked up the old bottle of dip and pointed to the small black (spices?) that are in it and asked if those were the chemicals.

I told her no, I wasn't sure what they were, probably spices and she responded that at least they weren't bugs....I agreed with this.

She then dug into the homemade dip with an enthusiasm that gave me all kinds of confidence.  A confidence that lead to ditching other staples such as macaroni and cheese (that comes from a blue box and also rhymes with "raft"), and instant oatmeal packets of the apple cinnamon variety.

We were on the "mommy cooking = GOOD; store bought= chemicals= BAD" train and we were going to new and exciting places....

Until she started lecturing everyone else we know on the contents of their fridges. ...


"Opa!!!! You can't eat that syrup... it's full of chemicals!"

"Auntie Breanna! I can't eat that for lunch!!! IT'S FULL OF CHEMICALS!!!".




Oh hide me now...

I have painstakingly been dismantling her judgmental theories on what other people should or should not have in their own private food repetoire...but this takes time and nuance and nuance is something my little daughter (unlike her brother) does not have in large supply.

She's a very black and white type of  little girl....

But not black and white like an Oreo... those are full of  too many chemicals.

ah well....

p.s. I was finishing typing this I overheard this conversation:

"Oh no! Daddy, did you see what Jackson did to the Woody doll?"

"No, hun what did do?"

"He stuck his head in the noodles"

"Jackson did you do this?"

"Woody Woo  hoo !"

Cheers.