{Teamwork}
"And now for something completely different"
Reader Disclaimer... Today's Funny Friday is about Sick Kids and the Nasty Things That Come Out of Them When They Are Ill...
Don't say you weren't warned.
My son is in that sweet stage where he is acquiring language faster than his mother can acquire vintage linens at a thrift store. It's sweet, it's charming and it's oh-so-delightful to hear what his little man voice sounds like, (particularly when he says, "pantsss" and even better when he pats the one's he's wearing and classifies them as his; "Mine (t) pantssss" he says over and over)
This week he learned the word "poop" and just in the nick of time, cause we've had a lot of it around here lately.
This morning (early) I went into his room to attend to his cries and was nearly bowled over by the unmistakable smell of....a stomach virus.
"poooop!!!" came the plaintive tone from the dark crib.
Jackson, my son, has had quite the history of poop and I will spare you all the gory details, but let's just say it's been a long 20 months of life trying to figure out the little guy's food issues and getting over various bugs that others would recover from quickly, but my little guy's intestinal tract is... well, "iffy".
A few months ago after a particularly horrific round of tests, he was diagnosed with "Chronic Childhood Diarrhea Without Failure to Thrive".
The doctor we saw today actually snickered when I told her this and her response to me was, "Well, that's awfully nice of them to come up with a vague term that doesn't really exist... hasn't made him any better has it?"
"No", I admitted, it hasn't.
We're always hovering over whatever Jackson puts in his mouth and the list of things that work and don't is long and frustrating. Of course I am thankful some of the bigger concerns have been ruled out, but in the meantime bad BMs are often a part of our parenting routine.
Except that this morning my little girl also came to me, "Uh, mom... I think I peed some milk in my pants."
...You don't want to know....
We went to the nearest Clinic to see whatever Doctor we could, on such short notice, and left with two cartoon stickers, a list of fluids and foods that might help and some heartfelt sympathy.
I told the Dr., my husband and I had been up to change diapers, pajamas and bedding 3 times in the last night.
"Ya,... that sucks" she put it bluntly.
My daughter Ava also had a lot of issues with mess from the other end when she was a baby because of a slightly larger esophageal opening that has since worked itself out. A spitter as a baby and even worse as she got older, I cannot tell you how many times I pulled out my spray bottle of vinegar and thanked God we had decided to put hardwood flooring in her bedroom.
So with all this experience under my belt, I thought perhaps I should look back on some of the dog days we've been through and sum up the wisdom that I have come by through experience....
the Incontrovertible Truths of Dealing With Sick Kids...
1. Don't EVER invest in fancy bedding.
If kids are going to get sick... they are guaranteed to do it in the middle of the night all over those cute sheets and matching coverlet.
2. ALWAYS bring a change of clothes with you EVERYWHERE you go.
The logic goes like this: If you leave your home without a change of clothes... SOMETHING will happen to make you regret it horribly. If you bring along a change, everything will go well. Bring the change of clothes as an insurance policy on things going well.
3. Don't ever put a sick child to bed in your own bed.
This rule is much like the first, the only exception is if you completely strip the bed first and perhaps use those plastic sheets used for home-birthing....
4. Sick children can be dressed in whatever textiles you have on hand in the case of emergencies.
This is a story perhaps for another time, but when Ava Grace was about 9 months old, an ill fated car trip saw us bringing her home wearing my over blouse, a toque stuffed in the bottom of her diaper bag and diapered in a T-towel we found under the back seat of our car....
5. Don't ever feed your child copious amounts of mandarin oranges, corn or raisins...
unless of course you plan on seeing them again.....
6. Never toss those little baby puffer chambers that they prescribe when you kid has a bronchial infection.
They are at least $60.00 a pop and your husband will not be impressed when you have to buy a new one in the spring because you tossed it after the last round of colds in the fall....
7. Don't invest in pedialyte.
It's expensive and disgusting; it will not hydrate your child because, simply put, your child WILL NOT drink it.
8. Having a code system worked out with your spouse is helpful.
For instance if you always use the orange bucket for ... "reflux mishaps" then shouting "CODE ORANGE CODE ORANGE CODE ORANGE" at the top of your lungs while your child loses it all over the bedding and subsequently you, may result in your spouse arriving at the scene with the orange bucket by the time your child is just finished losing all the bodily contents God gave them.
9. Never plan to be somewhere important for Christmas...
When the family starts making plans in August just let them all know you'll try to make it, but you'll most likely be grotesquely ill.
10. Never feel guilty about cartoons on sick days...
just beware that long after their final symptoms have entered the amnesiac area of your mother brain where labor pains get logged away, children can conjure up all kinds of reasons why they are "soooooo sick" and need to watch movies, drink ginger ale and stay home from school. (You know it's true... you did it when you were a kid too.)
p.s. Since writing this post, I have been awakened at 1 am to my daughter's cries. The vomiting stage of our flu bug has arrived..... all over the bedding.
I had to laugh (but it was one of those desperate maniacal laughs reserved for people on the brink).
That holly hobby blanket from yesterday's post? Ya, she never saw it coming.....
And then there was my son and his projectile addition to the family mess this morning all over the bathroom floor, himself, his jammies.... and me.
That holly hobby blanket from yesterday's post? Ya, she never saw it coming.....
And then there was my son and his projectile addition to the family mess this morning all over the bathroom floor, himself, his jammies.... and me.
Anyway, here's to a happy healthy weekend for all!
No comments:
Post a Comment