I have found a quiet moment in this cozy afternoon to refill my coffee cup and let the paint dry on the table and chairs I started this morning. (already so cute, but now they are lovely and pristine white, and I am feeling daunted with some of my creative decorating ideas. help?)
I just want to start by saying, I am okay.
I have been honestly touched by the rush of emails and comments left by all you dear dear people to ask how I am doing. feeling etc.
As I also believe that mystery can make things so much worse, I will disclose some details on the more vague statements from last week's rather emotional postings.
On Friday afternoon I got a frantic call from one of my sisters that my brother-in-law (her husband) was reported to have had a heart attack and she was trying to locate him and the hospital he was at.
Before I go any further, I will state for the record, he is fine and well and did not suffer the assumed attack...but for those few hours all sorts of terrible things run through one's mind and even though I knew by Friday morning that all was well... I was still emotionally exhausted.
That afternoon so many things were pulled together by my immediate family; my mother-in-law swooped in to take care of my children and my husband rushed home from work so we could in turn rush to my sister. Somehow overnight bags were packed and car seats moved and phone calls made.
I am still a little in awe of how quickly and efficiently the whole family mobilized and although I know my sister felt apologetic that we turned over the world for a false alarm, my reply to her was, "it never needs to be the worst case scenario for your family to come together for you".
The words came from my own mouth, but I'm still thinking about them and how true they are or should be anyway.
Even as I first answered her phone call, my instinctual brain told me to go and put on my things to go out... I hung up in a little shock at first and looked around to notice I was in my boots wearing a toque and mitts with no coat....
It's pretty funny now.
So that's the biggest crumb of the cake from last week...
In other news:
We are still in the process of selling our house which many of you can attest is a grueling and stressful process and we are selling it to family members, which maybe some of you an attest is a stressful process unto itself, no matter how strong the relationship is... it's dicey and I'll be glad when it's all over.
Then there's the illness... so much blinkin illness that keeps going around and around and around and around...
There some 200+ viruses that mutate into thousands upon thousands of different cold strains and I'm pretty sure we've seen at least half around here this winter...
Last night I had a spectacular breakdown in front of my husband ranting about the injustices of a mother who is ill having to look after an ill family with no one to take care of her, and my poor husband gathered me up and put this snivelling wife in to bed, tucked the covers around me and even brought me vapo rub for my sinuses...
I could go on about the other deeper things of the heart that sneak up and add up as I'm sure they do in all of us, but perhaps not today.
Really so much of my general moroseness this time of year comes from the fact that cooped up in close quarters while ridiculous blizzards roar outside the windows, I have nothing to do but reflect too much on myself.
The winter months often add up to an intense season of navel gazing to the point where I read too much into things and focus too much on petty grievances.
I get selfish and withdrawn, tired, moody and seasonally depressed. I work very hard to stay upbeat and plucky and generally do okay...but some weeks push me over the edge.
To some extent these last weeks of winter feel like an excercise in trying to maintain sanity like the poor woman in Charlotte Perkins Gillman's "The Yellow Wallpaper".
No, really it's not THAT bad... but I think you catch my drift.
Today has been a different day however, today has been a day of defying sickness and the 90th blizzard of the season.
Today is a day for tackling a project that has been dangling at the bottom of my to do list for almost a year.
Today is a day for this extra bit of coffee, some quiet and a chance to chat some more with all of you.
Today is a day to feel the hugs you've all sent me and say a heartfelt thank you. I have felt your love and your prayers; your blessings.
I'm on my feet and looking forward to the rest of this week. I'm looking forward to spring....but let's not go there again.
Here we are.
So here I am happy to be.